A monthly newspaper article sharing my Cancer experience from Diagnosis through Treatment and onto Recovery
December issue of EastSussex.News
Two years ago, in December 2022, my life changed forever. On the 8th of December, I went for what I thought was just a routine mammogram, something I’d done before. I wasn’t worried at all — it wasn’t my first, and I didn’t expect it to be my last.
I enjoyed a carefree Christmas not worrying in the least. I had no reason to be concerned, even when the letter arrived inviting me to a follow-up appointment at the Park Centre for Breast Care in Brighton on December 29th. I told myself, “It’s nothing.”
Such was my nonchalance that I was quite happy to rock up for my appointment all by myself, certain that I was going to be told “there’s nothing to discuss…a wrong reading”, or something like that.
I did, however, think I would use my trip to Brighton as an opportunity to see my friend and phoned her to say I was coming to Brighton and could I pop by and see her while I was there.
“What are you coming to Brighton for? she asked. “Oh, just a follow up from a mammogram” I replied, “Well you’re not going to that on your own. I’ll come with you.”
My friend, who had battled breast cancer a decade earlier, knew all too well how daunting appointments like this can be. At the time, I had no idea how much her understanding and friendship would mean to me in the months ahead.
So, on December 29th, 2022, we both arrived at the centre. My friend knew exactly where to park and where to go, which was a relief. As we walked in, she held my hand, offering support and compassion, while I remained lighthearted, still convinced there was nothing wrong. Then, in an instant, I was hit with the news no one wants to hear:
“We have found cancerous cells in your right breast.”
I froze. The rest of the conversation felt distant and muffled. My friend took over, asking all the questions I couldn’t think to ask. I was numb, only vaguely aware of what was happening around me. But it was real. It was happening to me. This is the moment my life changed forever.
What followed were countless trips to the centre for tests—biopsies, vacuum biopsies, MRI scans, PET scans, and seemingly endless mammograms. Through it all, my good friend was by my side and the level of care from the centre was superb.
After about a month, I was handed a file containing my diagnosis: “This is what we have found, and this is what we think it is. We are now passing you back to your local area (Hastings), and they will contact you to discuss your treatment plan.”
That was that. No more denial. I had Cancer!
Strangely enough, I never felt what I thought I would….”Why Me? I honestly thought “ Why Not Me?”
This can happen to anyone, and does, far too often.
My advice to anyone who finds themself in this place is to ask for help and gratefully receive all that is offered to you. Give yourself time to take it all in. Feel your feelings. I had them all, disbelief, sadness, worry, anxiety, hysteria, panic, terror, the uncertainty of not knowing what was going to happen to me, shame and wanting to hide (I hadn’t told anyone yet as I didn’t really know what to say) Most of all, I felt fear. Fear consumed me and the world seemed a very scary place.
I was fortunate enough to take time off from my business, and also blessed to have my own toolbox of coping strategies that helped me navigate the chaos. I leaned heavily on my Calmer Self Method, which supported me through the ‘scanxiety’. helped me sleep when worry kept me awake and allowed me to sit with the uncomfortable emotions that arose during this time.
I needed them and I want to share them with anyone else who finds themselves in this situation
If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you, please visit my website and YouTube channel. There, I share more about my cancer journey and how my experiences have fuelled my passion for supporting others through similar challenges.
To be continued in January…
- Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions or simply need a listening ear.
Here are details to my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/@CalmerSelfCoach
Website: www.calmerself.co.uk/your-cancer-coach
Text: 07856 169186
Email: nadine@calmerself.co.uk